Watch and wonder

A girl. Close to my age.Close to my height. She might have been a little taller. She had fake nails and a fake smile.  Eyes that showed too much and a heavy sigh. I tried not to pay attention to her, but it was difficult, because I wondered what her life was like. She crossed my line of vision at the bus stop. Only a moment. I didn’t even get a long look at her, as she walked past. But I had the distinct and unalterable feeling that she was disgusted at life. Maybe not always but definitely at that moment. She might have been horrified at her family for being secretive, or her friend for being spinless, or her lover for being ungrateful. Maybe it was a true crime against her or some imagined plight that really was non-existant. But real or imagined, there it was… in her face, her posture, her movement.

And I watched her for that moment, safely hidden in a haven of dark sunglasses, and wondered what others saw in me. What they deduced of my actions, speech and conduct. I wondered what conclusions a stranger would make at first glance. I tried to put myself in another’s shoes but I failed to see anything beyond my own bias view of myself. I realized how impossible it really is to take a step outside the box. Outside the comfortable circle of our own notions that we surround ourselves with (often incorrect notions I fear). So I gave up trying and just watched this girl walk away and gradually fade into the distance. I wondered most of all, despite the recent torment the plagued her, if she was happy.

Of course, it could all have been as simple as some bad seafood for lunch.